My Verizon DSL Nightmare, or An Open Call to a Verizon Employee or Executive to Wrong a Right

Account Phone # 718 768 3073
Account # ILGT164865400

Dear Verizon, @verizon, @verizonsupport, et al.,

I write to notify you that your company, Verizon Communications Inc., is in violation of the following:

• poor customer service
• severe disconnect between presumably connected departments
• general incompetence, ineptiude, and disregard for the customer
• the use of voice recognition menus on your toll free lines

The following documentation of a series of very, very unfortunate events serves to underscore the above violations. Please review at your earliest convenience (assuming this level of time frame exists for you), and contact me directly with a plan of action to rectify the situation.

1/14/10
Call placed to set up a DSL Dry Loop business account at place of business. Estimated installation date: 7 business days from today.* This is frustrating, but optimism prevails.

1/18/10
Router arrives in the mail. General optimism is sustained.

1/21/10, 1/23/10
Auotmated call received from Verizon stating a technician will arrive on 1/25/10, between the hours of 8am - 5pm. Impressed by automated message and implied notion that a Verizon technician actually works 9 hours a day.

1/25/10, 5:01pm
Verizon technician has not arrived. Call placed to Verizon to check on technician status. While Verizon cannot directly contact the technician or the technician’s dispatcher, a computer made out of an empty aquarium and Atari controller tells the representative that the technician now has an estimated arrival time of 7:41pm.* Curiously enough, the dispatch cannot be rescheduled for another time, as that department conveniently closed at 5pm.

1/25/10, 8:15pm
Technician has not arrived and beer is gone. Another call is placed to Verizon, at which point the only helpful representative to date connects the dots to determine that an error has occurred in the dispatch system. Contrary to what was previously ascertained, this representative is able to schedule a dispatch for 9am the following morning.

1/26/10, 10am
Technician has not arrived; call placed to Verizon support. In an interesting (and now unsurprising) twist of events, representative states that the building is at DSL capacity, and the order cannot be fulfilled. Ever.*

1/26/10, 10:30am
In an act of desperation, call placed to Time Warner Cable. Time Warner offers a 5MBPS download/1MBPS upload service for a crippling $109/month, with a ten day installation lead time. Verizon finally wins at something.

1/26/10, 11am
Delirious, cold, and still out of beer, a philosophical inquiry into “customer service” ensues, the conclusion of which advances that Verizon should value all customers equally, and thus bring the building to an agreeable capacity. Verizon = democracy = customer service bailout!

1/26/10, 11:05am
Call placed to Verizon, and a brief summary of the above bullet points is laid out. Verizon checks their system, only to find that our building can support our Internet needs. Bummer though; our order has already been canceled without our authorization.

1/26/10, 11:07am
Let’s start over! “What’s your full name? A good number to reach you at? What type of service are you looking for?” Estimated set up date: 7 business days from today.

Compensation will be accepted in the following ways: high speed Internet service, acknowledgment that you’ve read Brave New World and watched “Brazil” while on break.

*Verizon representative ends phone call with “Thank you for choosing Verizon. We hope you’ll recommend our service to your friends and family.”